Srugim Gets Slapped: Episode 9
Hey everybody, let’s go to the hospital! Nati, you are always there anyway. Hodaya, go and pester your boyfriend who seems to have gotten a case of the frummies and doesn’t want to show off your secular hottness to the frum family who is freaking out because sis is a coma. And Amir, go…do the one man nasty in a cup while your former student is outside and you make your wife at home drink nasty flower tea.
Oh yeah, and Nati go meet the new girlfriend, be a jerk, stomp out, and then we will watch as Dad SLAPS you in Yoel Salomon. Nice! And then go cry to a hot clown about it.
Lets bring on the recaaaap…
p.s…this week we feature some comments of a very special friend. wooo! our first guest commenter! they are starred, and were featured in earlier comments. You too can do this–even we are a bit late in posting, just post your responses for consideration at any time before we post….
Realer than a man joyous at his very normal sperm count
Duh, girls in ugly costume are ALWAYS hot in secret in tv/movie land. (See: She’s all that, etc.) Hellooooo. We so saw that coming. +5, and an extra +45 because Nati is only nice to her when he sees how hot Ms Clown is.
* People who are datlash pretend to be more dati especially around family. Brandeis parents weekend is evidence. +10
Speaking of Asaf, perhaps his family doesn’t even know he’s datlash. No points, just an observation.
Oh Amir, you are so predictable when you find out have lots of sperm. “Lets celebrate with me, you, and our 75 million children….” Classic. So. Classic. + only 10 because didn’t Amir take bio at some point?
* The “your turn shopping conversation” between Hodaya and Assaf. Had that roommate. Had that conversation. +20
Dude, we like how everyone GOT SERVED in this episode.
First up: Hodaya: Yifat, thank GOD you yelled at Hodaya for being such a pyscho bitch, and for pointing out how self involved she is that homegirl doesnt even ask about Yifat, who is having REAL PROBLEMS. +10 because we hope to her secular God that she listened
BTW–Hodaya, while you are a psycho, you aren’t totally gone. There is no way in Hell Asaf wants you to move with him to Tel Aviv. +a billion because this allows for the return of the Secular Hottie whom we dare not speak his name
Nati. Wow. Where do we begin? Ok so we admit that its complicated. God, that French woman is really annoying–we will give you that. She is clearly a GoldDigger, Kanye style, and keeps touching Abba and even you. But this is when you suck it up and mention afterwards to Abba that you really don’t like it when Crazy Frenchie touches you and tells you you have too much energy. You totally deserved that, you big spoiled brat. +25
Oh, the Frenchie. Of course you think Nati is picky! (Not that she’s so off.) You’ve been married and divorced twice! +25 because making fun of her people is really so, so easy and hilarious
Israelis do love their weird folk remedies. Haven’t you ever seen the Etrog Guy in the shuk. Apparently it can cure everything? +15
Sheirut Leumi girls are totally clueless and even though she should have had some sensitivity training, she had no qualms about pressing Amir to reveal the reason for his hospital visit. All while being super perky and frum. We know the type. +10
Of course magical Sephardi Gabbai would have a magical potion for fertility. We can’t for him to introduce Amir to the mysticism of the Orient. +15
Roi, you are totally a bastard for skipping out on Dad and Frenchie dinner. But, you are kinda like that. +10 for showing how all men in that family are huge tools
* Even in Israeli hospitals, doctors aren’t allowed to wear open toed shoes. It would be minus 10, because naot are the least conductive things ever, but I gave them a plus 5 because Israelis will wear naot whenever possible.
Frummies can spot each other a mile away, because of subtle things like a bracha that the clown says. Its a radar we have. +10
Faker then leaving a used pregnany test at the top of your kitchen garbage
Haven’t Amir and Yifat been married for like Five Minutes? Why are they worrying about their infertility already? +5 because they would totally freak out already even if its only been a few months
We would expect Hodaya to understand Assaf’s hesitation at bringing her into the fam. Do you think She would introduce Assaf in his datlash glory to her famous Rabbi father? This is from a girl who in season one let her deranged grandmother get lost rather than show her she wears pants. Even narcissistic second season Hodaya would show some compassion. -25
How has Assaf not dumped Hodaya yet? She is the worst girlfriend ever. Girl can’t even buy her man a sandwich when he is the one footing all the bills. -10
Hasn’t Yifat learned that Amir is a fibber McFibberson with a side of lies. She would totally march him over to the hospital herself to make sure he did the deed. -10
Also where did he do it in the end? If he didn’t do it at home or the hospital. The movies? -15
And Yifat, get out of the apartment! you haven’t left it since you were married. Maybe some fresh air will help your fertility. -5
Where are Roi and Reut? I mean we know they aren’t hooking up so what are they doing together that is so important? No, seriously, where are they? -100
Look. Shayna knows people who have gone through fertility issues in Israel, and not only “did they have a special room for that” complete with porn, they had a special room for people to have SEX if need be in the fertility clinic. Israel is tacky, but not that tacky. -15
Ok, we usually like the symbolism but Nati is clearly repressed in every way and has way too much energy in him–we didn’t need for him to keep getting shocked to remember that he is so screwed up. -5
Are there really hospital clowns and would anyone find that entertaining? This is the candy stripers job. To look hot. Everyone knows hotness not balloon animals cheers people up. -10
Israelis eat at Olive? We thought it was just for spoiled seminary brats and rich Americans on vacation. -15 because somehow they end up at Luigi’s, where we also thought only spoiled Americans go eat even though they serve soup in a bread bowl yummmmm
So this was a good bounce back from two weeks of dreck. We can’t wait for some clown Nati action plus the return of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, oops we mean Roi and Reut.
If you are in NY go hear Shayna speak at JOFA on sunday. Also if you are looking for a movie for the weekend, go see AJAMI. It’s like the anti-Srugim.