Srugim Episode 12: Srugim Stands Up

We know this is long overdue, but between Passover and not Passover it has been a little crazy in non-Srugim land. Meanwhile a lot happened this episode. Amir lost and then grew a pair, Yifat finally pulled a prison break from her apartment, Hodaya has found the right dosage of medication and is confronting her past and Nati has returned to being the uber-douche we know and love.

Onto the reality index!
Realer than your wife making you desserts and telling you you’re gonna get fat if you eat them

Of course some stupid Israeli would think naming their dog Ghandi would be the perfect way to honor their six months stoned journey in India. +10

Uchh, Assaf looks so much better with a Kippah. Why do guys always look better with Kippahs? It might also be a sign they are a-holes– oh the Catch-22.   +10

In related news, Amir looks hot in uniform. Meow. +100

We love that last scene with Hodaya and Asaf, and how Srugim doesn’t forget that the hardest part of breaking up is getting back your stuff. +10 and some more extra points when Hodaya shows Asaf who’s boss even though her crazy ways pushed him back on the derech

Hodaya’s cousin Chemdat spitting out the coffee was awesome. But watch out Hodaya, Chemdat totally has that smug look of  evil bitch in high school movies. Be careful or she will booby-trap your locker in front of the whole school and steal your quarterback boyfriend.  Oh Hebrew Academy memories. +5

Frum people never really believe it when someone goes secular. Its just impossible for them to understand that no, there is no dairy spoon for your treif coffee. +10

People always force divorced people to date each other, like they have a weird virus strain that must be isolated. Divorced +8 amazing  because it sounds like the evil frum remake the of the Brady brunch–no songs,only those white settler vans. (aka mishpacha mobiles)

Hodaya talking to her father on the video and later at the bar was heartbreaking. Hodaya confronting the pull of her family and confronting her religious side has always been more interesting than her wandering aimlessly around the secular world +20

NITZAN is back! And although she is trying to keep her psycho bitchery under control it can’t help but bubble to the surface. She keeps on making these undermining jokes about happiness and marriage and kids. She is the type who wants everyone to know she is so fantastic and totally could be married if she wanted but refuses to settle. We know the type and guess what? You’re not married, and no one actually cares that you aren’t and saying how hot you are won’t change that. +15

Also, we all know “how’s married life” is code for one thing and one thing only. Spill the beans, Yifat! +10

Yifat killed the scene when Amir tells her she is not coming. You can feel the months of frustration exploding out of her and she realizes her husband is a passive wimp. We need mallets like those for when we have nervous breakdowns. +5

And then: The Great Escape! Yifat goes outside and we see her looking around, confused by all the light, colors and people. It has been months since she has been on the streets of Jerusalem. +10

Also girl knows how to tear it up and went all frum girls gone wild. Getting trashed off of Irish Cream? We’ve done it. That Yerushalyim joke? genius. Her call for some immediate lovin? Been there. Basically underneath all that anal annoying-ness, Yifat is awesome. We would love to go out with her. +5000

Hodaya’s frum outfit always involves a headband. Someone is tapping into Blair Waldorf’s wardrobe consultant.+50 especially because someone found our blog by searching “cute frummy headband”

Also, when Hodaya gets drunk, she gives a Dvar Torah. Maybe she’s not as far gone as she thinks. +15 because you can get the girl out of the frum but not the frum out of the girl

Once again, Laizy makes awesome shots. The episode begins with the frum beds apart, and ends with them together. Aww, it’s almost like they got to have sex. Similarly, Hodaya cant face the camera, but can at the end of the episode. +25

Faker than Amir not being in prison right now

Yifat, is trying to get pregnant a full time job that prevents you from doing anything else? Shouldn’t you be working now so you can play with your baby and buy him an expensive status stroller? -only 10 because we would make baby-making a full time job if Amos Tamam was our husband too, just saying.

Yifat just offers herself to the entire bar, and no one responds? Please people. There would be sketchy Israeli men ALL OVER THAT. Have the Zionists gone soft? -a billion because really Israeli men need no excuse

Amir- everyone gets out of miluim. Why couldn’t you make up an excuse before hand? Stop being so Zionist, you have never said anything about serving your country before. -10

Last time we checked, there is usually more than one person at a checkpoint. -5

Wait, people wear those dumb skirt pants things that are poofy on top and then taper down and are so ugly than even people bringing back the eighties don’t wear them? Dafna, you need a better wardrobe person stat. Just because you are a clown doesn’t mean you always have to look like an idiot. -50

Of course stupid Chemdat would think its soooo groundbreaking to have a frum girl try to be secular and then decide to be religious again. And of course her dumb teacher would think its a good idea. Stupid frummies. -10 because we think Laizy is making fun of frum movie-making, that it always has to be “educational” when we all know educational movies are only good for mockery

Why do Israelis love Rabbi Nahman so much? -10

Amir, why can’t you say you need to have sex with your wife? We already know the problem isn’t with your glorious sperm count. Also, Israel LOVES (JEWiSH) BABIES and loves when people MAKE BABIES. SO MUCH. There is literally nothing Jews love more. Not only would they let you go in five seconds, they’d pay for your cab back, buy Yifat flowers, and demand to be invited to the bris. -10

Wait, people have cats for pets in Israel–especially Jerusalem?? – only 5 because Evyatar seems to be the kind of kid who would do that

Nati, Nati. SO CLOSE. You were SO CLOSE. You even say that brilliant line about how Dafna doesn’t look like she’s old enough to be a mom (of course she loves it) and then you let a dead cat and a cranky kid get the best of you? SO CLOSE. Maybe you deserve psycho Nitzan. -15 because as Evytatar says, what are you a doctor for? It doesn’t even get you the ladies anymore, and well know that’s the only real appeal especially in Israel where you make as much as the falafel boy even if you are a neurosurgeon.

Amir finally grows a pair–and its way too late. There is no next month, Amir (unless you get a more liberal psak, STAT). -10

Wow. Good Episode, even if Roi and Reut were absent entirely. There is a bit of a break now until April 25th because Israel actually takes Holidays Seriously and then there are three episodes left. We think its all setting up for something big–the return of Niztan? Is Dafna done for? Will Yifat make a baby? Stay Tuned and leave your comments!

XOXO,

Srugim Girls