Holy CRAP. We never knew how close on our predictions would be. Roi DID become charedi and get married!!! Man, this is going to be awesome. Meanwhile, everyone continues to be their cracked out selves. Onto the recap…..
Realer than a Shoko b’sakit stakeout
We just have to say, Nati stalking a girl while drinking a shoko b’sakit is basically the best encapsulation of his character that we have ever seen. ever. Sorry Tehilla totally blew you off. plus +100.
Nati : “It was like two weddings. the guys wedding was fun, not sure about the girls.” So true!! +10 cause we love sneaking over the guys side at super frum weddings and causing shock and awe
Hahaha, Avri thought that was her real hair. +15.
“Hey, there is a charedi couple at the door. Do you think they want a donation?” +25 for hilarity, Amir.
Obviously, Nati drops all real responsibilities on Yifat. Old habits die hard. +15 also Reut totally called Nati out on it. + another 5
Now those responsibilities devolve onto Amir, cause he sits at home all day. +10 Amir, you should be a stay-at-home dad. We like that idea.
Re the sushi: one time, Shayna ordered sushi in a mehadrin restuarant. It tasted weird. Upon asking the waiter, she learned that instead of nori, the restaurant used BEET LEAVES for kashrus reasons. She is still mad and angry and traumatized and cheated. What was the point of saying that? Rabbanut sushi all the way, we guess. Now we want some Sushi Rehavia!!! + 20 Dont ever be charedi. its not worth it.
Reut, you eat that sushi platter! You deserve it/we would totally do the same thing. +40
Ok, feeding Rivka the non badatz sushi was kind of mean. but amazing. and an awesome metaphor for her sloppy non kosher second of a husband, Roi. +10
YIFAT IS BACK MAKING MOUSAKA! PRAISE HASHEM! +400
Hahaa, Avri made a joke about changing their fb status. +50. WE LOVE YOU AVRI
Also classic is the way Hodaya explained all the changes of religious status. Shasniks “strengthen”, Secular people are baal teshuva, and roi..”blackens”. That is way awkward in English, wow. We shall translate it as our holy rockers Blue Fringe did, flipping out. Also, religious people love those splitting of hairs. So true. +30
Of course Avri is the only person on the show who appears to have any “yirat shamayim.” This isn’t even that surprising. +10
Obviously Roi is way smug about his former friends, although his complaints are not that off ie completely spot on. They have no room for Hashem! That was way harsh, Tai. However, we are giving it a wash for taking it all back. Where’s that flipping out arrogance? We know it’s there.
One of our Favorite Things is when Nati and Amir discuss women and their mysterious ways. Why are we such masochists? Unclear. We do it for the sushi. +10
Roi and Rivka went out three times and “knew” right away. Obviously. +5
Nati is so nice to Reut in this episode after an original jerky phone convo. His pep talk is especially good considering how Hodaya and Yifat are totally immersed in their nauseating contentment. We love their weird friendship, and he knows the best way to please an ex girlfriend to to tell her the new girl is ugly.
Although, he way too enthusiastically tells Reut how pretty she is. Foreshadowing, or is this going the way of the Dan-Blair GG kiss? + a very tentative 25
The crappiest part of being pregnant is not eating real sushi. So true. +10.
Once again, Azarya is epically awesome. From his crazy dream that shows he is psychic, to his inspiring and slightly awkward speech in which he talks about leaving the past behind, we love him so much. even though he is kinda goofy looking. You know who else liked it? Reut! We saw that face. Hellloooooo. +100
No matter how gay or charedi Roi may be, he still knows his brother well and obviously figures out Nati wants to tap that parochet maker. Nice work, and nice bro bonding moment. +20
Faker than all of Reut’s mazel tovs
Ok Question, how does no one know anything about Roi’s marriage or that he turned charedi until basically the day after? This serves to reinforce the idea that this group is not friends with him– or friends enough for a wedding invite.
More segula challah! We fucking hate segulah challah. No points, just an observation.
Reut- not accepting that pity date to sheva brachot was badass, you are an independent woman! But let’s be honest, you feel like shit and you should have used that floppy haired stringbean as an emotional bodyguard. -10 Also nice going stringbean. She is totally going to fire you now, hopefully over the intercom. Start looking for a new job, sucka!
So it looks like Tehilla lives in Nachlaot-duh- but who runs a business that just makes parochets? Is that a thing? Doesn’t that go together with challah covers, table clothes and other overly embroidered Judaica people love so much.This is why everyone in the country has to go live in tents.
What is that Sheva Brachot game? Who does that? Is this a bridal shower? But we love how everyone acknowledges what a dork Amir is. (Did somebody mention a Dvar Torah?)
Like Nati goes to minyan. but props for his continual use of Judaism to get what he wants. -5
Roi, that was basically the lamest Dvar torah ever. We learned that thing about fire when we were in NCSY and they were trying to convince us to be shomer negiah. No need to go to Ashdod for that. -10
Love Reut but who brings sushi to a sheva brachot? There are way too many potential fish/meat issues. This is a time for some pe-ar rugalech.
Also we know Roi’s bride is supposed to be sheltered, but we have cousins in Bnei Brak and Borough Park and they are all about the sushi. Serve some injera and then we can talk. -20
Who were those last 4 guys who were brought in at the end, why can’t they eat schnitzel, why do none of them have other friends. Oh, one of them is the little sibling in Haim Aherim! Nice to see you again. -40
Yifat seems like she would be a smug pregnant lady (listen to the song, it’s worth it), so it was surprising that even entering her 4th month she is keeping it on the DL. We also would expect her to show a little, but maybe that ugly denim dress is hiding it. -75
Avri, we love you but we do not understand how you put up with Hodaya. First she wont spill the beans, then she does without telling, blah blah. Dude, we would fly a freaking banner over the Kotel if we were engaged to Avri. -500
Why is Avri wearing a kippah clearly stolen from those piles of kippot at Conservative Bar Mitzvahs? -50
Roi and Rivka arent on a completely separate bus? No way. At least they aren’t sitting next to each other. -10
So clearly the biggest fake is Roi’s wedding, but there seems to be more going on under the surface. Was this a way to write-off Roi? Will he settle into happily married life in Ashodod or will we see his confused soul again? Enjoy those separate beaches. -1000000000
Well, this was quite the episode. What are your thoughts, dear readers? Is this marriage a sham? Will we see Roi again? When will Reuzarya happen?
[Also does anyone watch Hatufim? or the American remake Homeland? Sarah desperately needs someone to talk about it with.]
SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!