Reut is on the prowl. The “returning CDs” ploy– we’ve been there. But it seems like Azarya is the kind of guy who needs a more direct approach– like a club over the head. Also Reut has a pattern of dating emotionally unavailable men and we are concerned about history repeating itself. +20
Of course Amir, searching for a purpose would latch onto the idea of going on shlichut. If he was in America he would have become a Scientologist by now. +30 (Conspiracy Theory Number One:
“Nahum”” “Manny” was not just “passing by” but rather a plant by the Israeli government to recruit sadsacks putting up signs on telephone polls. Hey, it could happen.) +20 Also of course he just came back from Toronto- Canadians are all about Bnei Akiva, it’s in the water.
Oh that building, Sarah has been in it numerous times for “Zionist education” and that is exactly what it looks like. And is that the rabbi of Washington DC??? Who is it modeled on? We must know. And of course there a grown man would be wearing that Bnei Akiva shirt unironically! +10
OMG, the simulations were amazing. Loved it. My name is Aliza and I want to marry my non Jewish boyfriend in a church! I’m an Indian and I want to convert!
Amir totally screws up the interview. He clearly has no idea what this job involves and just views it as an extended vacation where he will hang out and people will be in awe because he is a real Israeli. Oh Wait- THAT IS EXACTLY HOW EVERY SHALIACH ACTS! +500
Yifat is the office badass. Why did she work alone all these years? This is such a perfect outlet for her bitchiness. Also she goes tiger wife when she thinks the interviewers are attacking Amir’s career decisions. Fantastic + 5
Also, another amazing Yifat moment. When Amir asks if he should wear his tzitit out, she says if you want to be believable you should grow a beard. Hahaha. Even your wife knows you are a joke. +20
Nati’s Shalom to Tehila is Srugim’s version of “I’m Chuck Bass.” +10
But he was way too good at complimenting Reut for Azarya. +5
Azarya with the comeback of the century: Why dont you marry her then: +100!
And Nati admits it! He secretly loves Reut! But its complicated. It always is the in bitza, DAMN IT. +100 only if Nati shapes up
One of Nati’s selling points re Reut is that she makes a lot of money. +10
Hold on, is there trouble in Avriland? Hodaya forgot she was getting married? +50 because of course Hodaya would mess up the one good thing in her life.
Amir is taking a nap in the middle of the day. All unemployment blogs recommend against this. But if we could nap in the middle of the day we totally would. +30
Azarya also naps in the middle of the day. We are officially becoming poets. +100
Tehila may be crazy (see below) but she is also funny. Do you have a page of verses? I have a whole book of them. Snap!! +10
While the Jewish Agency does pay its shlichim, it is totally conceivable that a random sketchy Jewish org would try to get people to do something like that for free. +15 for Amir finally learning some common sense.
We love bad poetry nights SO MUCH. More awkward bereshit references, please. +50
That Venezuelan family is adorable!!!! We want a spin-off series that features the multi-generational family living under one roof and the wacky adventures they get into as Jews living under the Chavez regime. +1,000
Nati is a stalker of epic proportions. He can’t understand someone not wanting to date him? Maybe it’s all the restraining orders against you! And that he would sell out Reut for a date is pretty par for the course. Also that lawyer-fisherman story? Maybe he has a chance at a creative writing career after all. +100
The Dvar Torah challenge is like the frum version of Project Runway. You are In or you are Out. +10.
While its no Beyonce at the VMAs excitement, we did like the baby bump reveal at the end of this episode. Wahooo for Srugim Spawn! +30
Faker than Nati owning any Chava Alberstein CDs
Firstly, we realize everyone in Srugim is old, but CDs? really? -5.
Secondly, Nati would never ever ever own Chava Alberstein CDs. That is like him listening to Tori Amos or Ani DiFranco. Reut, try harder. Also, you tried to play the skeeviest guy–of course he figured you out. Just remember, hate the player, not the game. -25
Tehila, what the HELL are you wearing? We realize you live in Nachloat (and your apartment is amazing, woah) but that does not excuse your weird outfits with too many layers. (Sarah thinks Israelis would totally wear that weird outfit– only in Israel would a long jean skirt and a puffy orange coat be considered sexy)
Nati, you are off on your game. Eishes Chayil is so cliche, dude. If you want to impress the Nachloat babes, gotta start learning that book of verses Tehila has. -15
Also, we are not convinced that Tehila is anywhere near sane. In fact, we are sure she is not. 1. She dated Azaria. 2. She dresses funny. 3. She made a vow not to date anyone else until her crazy ex (maybe ex fiance? she seems to hint at that?) moves on. Most importantly she is always furrowing her brow every time she talks. This does not bode well for Tehinati. -100
Nati has to clarify that his mother is really dead. Gosh, sometimes you really seem like a skeeze.-15. Also, we are not sure that his details about his mother are actually relevant or if he is still trying to woo Tehila. -another 10. as we say, usually we approve of this sort of benefiting from tragedy, but yesh gvul, dude.
Since when do Yifat and Amir have any ideals? Isn’t that a little bit necessary for shlichut? Maybe the sochnut was really desperate, or it was Amir’s desperation remanifesting itself as Zionist love for the golden city of Toronto and not anywhere slightly less posh. Seriously, it was for Venuezula after all. Not like Chavez hates Jews or anything. -10
Since when did the ladies of Srugim go all Sex and the City on us and become Ladies who Lunch? Lamers, but we do love going out to lunch. So only -5.
Nice job Amir on pretending that you would ever care to not shake a women’s hand. We still didn’t buy it. -10.
Can I hang out here? So, So Israeli. So annoying. -10.
So we would award points for Tehila calling Nati out on his skeevy ways and him fessing up, but hey, we know Orthodox men, and they are NEVER that direct. -10 unless that clown Nati dated really did make him grow up a bit.
Nati has never fixed a “tris” in his life -50
Amir’s last name is Yehezkel? Did we know that? No points, just an observation.
Of course Amir thinks he is being noble by passing on the job offer. Let’s review: He randomly decided to apply for a job that he has never shown any interest in before. There was no talk of how going on Shlichut would be a step forward in his career. It would entirely upend their lives. Yifat has an actual career where she is awesome and is quickly advancing. She makes money, he makes none. AND HE IS THE HERO? Yifat should have shut this down long ago. -600
So what did ya’ll think? Is there an Nati-Reut-Azarya-Tehilla love square in our future? Why is Hodaya being weirder than usual? See you next week!